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Thursday, March 27, 2003

A WARMONGER EXPLAINS WAR TO A PEACENIK

Received this courtesy of the lovely and talented Buck Hakes, who received it courtesy of the lovely and talented Rob Matsushita.

(And yes, I'm confident enough in my own sexuality to call them both talented... )

8^)

A WARMONGER EXPLAINS WAR TO A PEACENIK
By Anonymous


PeaceNik: Why did you say we are we invading Iraq?

WarMonger: We are invading Iraq because it is in violation of security council resolution 1441. A country cannot be allowed to violate security council resolutions.

PN: But I thought many of our allies, including Israel, were in violation of more security council resolutions than Iraq.

WM: It's not just about UN resolutions. The main point is that Iraq could have weapons of mass destruction, and the first sign of a smoking gun could well be a mushroom cloud over NY.

PN: Mushroom cloud? But I thought the weapons inspectors said Iraq had no nuclear weapons.

WM: Yes, but biological and chemical weapons are the issue.

PN: But I thought Iraq did not have any long range missiles for attacking us or our allies with such weapons.

WM: The risk is not Iraq directly attacking us, but rather terrorists networks that Iraq could sell the weapons to.

PN: But coundn't virtually any country sell chemical or biological materials? We sold quite a bit to Iraq in the eighties ourselves, didn't we?

WM: That's ancient history. Look, Saddam Hussein is an evil man that has an undeniable track record of repressing his own people since the early eighties. He gasses his enemies. Everyone agrees that he is a power-hungry lunatic murderer.

PN: We sold chemical and biological materials to a power-hungry lunatic murderer?

WM: The issue is not what we sold, but rather what Saddam did. He is the one that launched a pre-emptive first strike on Kuwait.

PN: A pre-emptive first strike does sound bad. But didn't our ambassador to Iraq, April Gillespie, know about and green-light the invasion of Kuwait?

WM: Let's deal with the present, shall we? As of today, Iraq could sell its biological and chemical weapons to Al Quaida. Osama BinLaden himself released an audio tape calling on Iraqis to suicide-attack us, proving a partnership between the two.

PN: Osama Bin Laden? Wasn't the point of invading Afghanistan to kill him?

WM: Actually, it's not 100% certain that it's really Osama Bin Laden on the tapes. But the lesson from the tape is the same: there could easily be a partnership between al-Qaida and Saddam Hussein unless we act.

PN: Is this the same audio tape where Osama Bin Laden labels Saddam a secular infidel?

WM: You're missing the point by just focusing on the tape. Powell presented a strong case against Iraq.

PN: He did?

WM: Yes, he showed satellite pictures of an Al Quaeda poison factory in Iraq.

PN: But didn't that turn out to be a harmless shack in the part of Iraq controlled by the Kurdish opposition?

WM: And a British intelligence report...

PN: Didn't that turn out to be copied from an out-of-date graduate student paper?

WM: And reports of mobile weapons labs...

PN: Weren't those just artistic renderings?

WM: And reports of Iraqis scuttling and hiding evidence from inspectors...

PN: Wasn't that evidence contradicted by the chief weapons inspector, Hans Blix?

WM: Yes, but there is plenty of other hard evidence that cannot be revealed because it would compromise our security.

PN: So there is no publicly available evidence of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq?

WM: The inspectors are not detectives, it's not their JOB to find evidence. You're missing the point.

PN: So what is the point?

WM: The main point is that we are invading Iraq because resolution 1441 threatened "severe consequences." If we do not act, the security council will become an irrelevant debating society.

PN: So the main point is to uphold the rulings of the security council?

WM: Absolutely. ...unless it rules against us.

PN: And what if it does rule against us?

WM: In that case, we must lead a coalition of the willing to invade Iraq.

PN: Coalition of the willing? Who's that?

WM: Britain, Turkey, Bulgaria, Spain, and Italy, for starters.

PN: I thought Turkey refused to help us unless we gave them tens of billions of dollars.

WM: Nevertheless, they may now be willing.

PN: I thought public opinion in all those countries was against war.

WM: Current public opinion is irrelevant. The majority expresses its will by electing leaders to make decisions.

PN: So it's the decisions of leaders elected by the majority that is important?

WM: Yes.

PN: But George Bush wasn't elected by voters. He was selected by the U.S. Supreme C...-

WM: I mean, we must support the decisions of our leaders, however they were elected, because they are acting in our best interest. This is about being a patriot. That's the bottom line.

PN: So if we do not support the decisions of the president, we are not patriotic?

WM: I never said that.

PN: So what are you saying? Why are we invading Iraq?

WM: As I said, because there is a chance that they have weapons of mass destruction that threaten us and our allies.

PN: But the inspectors have not been able to find any such weapons.

WM: Iraq is obviously hiding them.

PN: You know this? How?

WM: Because we know they had the weapons ten years ago, and they are still unaccounted for.

PN: The weapons we sold them, you mean?

WM: Precisely.

PN: But I thought those biological and chemical weapons would degrade to an unusable state over ten years.

WM: But there is a chance that some have not degraded.

PN: So as long as there is even a small chance that such weapons exist, we must invade?

WM: Exactly.

PN: But North Korea actually has large amounts of usable chemical, biological, AND nuclear weapons, AND long range missiles that can reach the west coast AND it has expelled nuclear weapons inspectors, AND threatened to turn America into a sea of fire.

WM: That's a diplomatic issue.

PN: So why are we invading Iraq instead of using diplomacy?

WM: Aren't you listening? We are invading Iraq because we cannot allow the inspections to drag on indefinitely. Iraq has been delaying, deceiving, and denying for over ten years, and inspections cost us tens of millions.

PN: But I thought war would cost us tens of billions.

WM: Yes, but this is not about money. This is about security.

PN: But wouldn't a pre-emptive war against Iraq ignite radical Muslim sentiments against us, and decrease our security?

WM: Possibly, but we must not allow the terrorists to change the way we live. Once we do that, the terrorists have already won.

PN: So what is the purpose of the Department of Homeland Security, color-coded terror alerts, and the Patriot Act? Don't these change the way we live?

WM: I thought you had questions about Iraq.

PN: I do. Why are we invading Iraq?

WM: For the last time, we are invading Iraq because the world has called on Saddam Hussein to disarm, and he has failed to do so. He must now face the consequences.

PN: So, likewise, if the world called on us to do something, such as find a peaceful solution, we would have an obligation to listen?

WM: By "world", I meant the United Nations.

PN: So, we have an obligation to listen to the United Nations?

WM: By "United Nations" I meant the Security Council.

PN: So, we have an obligation to listen to the Security Council?

WM: I meant the majority of the Security Council.

PN: So, we have an obligation to listen to the majority of the Security Council?

WM: Well... there could be an unreasonable veto.

PN: In which case?

WM: In which case, we have an obligation to ignore the veto.

PN: And if the majority of the Security Council does not support us at all?

WM: Then we have an obligation to ignore the Security Council.

PN: That makes no sense.

WM: If you love Iraq so much, you should move there. Or maybe France, with all the other cheese-eating surrender monkeys. It's time to boycott their wine and cheese, no doubt about that.

PN: I give up!

Lee 3/27/2003 10:30:00 AM [+]


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Wednesday, March 26, 2003

Return To The Dark Side

On a lighter note, last night EMI held a cd release party for a new High definition version of Pink Floyd's seminal classic, "The Dark Side Of The Moon".

Released to the public today for about the cost of a regular cd, this new version has remastered the original analog tapes onto 5.1 Dolby Surround Sound.

Click on the title to read all about it.

On a Floyd-related side note... If you don't own it, go out and buy Roger Waters' "Amused To Death", released in 1992 as a reaction to the first war with Iraq, it is as valid now as it was then. Take special note of "The Bravery Of Being Out Of Range".

Folks, this cd is simply the BEST non-Floyd effort any of the five member has produced. It SHOULD have been a Floyd album.

Lee 3/26/2003 09:15:00 AM [+]


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Monday, March 24, 2003

The Courage Of His Convictions

Most people took the middle of the road approach.

Cause whether you agree or disagree, it's really all about just one thing.

Bring them back home, safely.

And no one should be faulted for their taking that millde road.

Hell, I admit that though I have a definite opinion about this war, on Friday night, while playing at Cryan's, we did a trigute to our soldiers defending freedom, asking that, "No matter what opinion you may have on the war, we all agree on one thing... Bring them back home, safely."

I was working FOR the bar. If I go spouting off about my opinion, I run the risk of pissing off or alienating the crowd. That would be a fireable offense.

But... Sometimes...

VOICE OVER

A way out in the mid-west there was a fella, fella I want to tell you about, fella by the name of Michael Moore. At least, that was the handle his lovin' parents gave him, but he never had much use for it himself. This Moore, he called himself the Dude. Now, Dude, that's a name no one would self-apply where I come from. But then, there was a lot about the Dude that didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. And a lot about where he lived, like- wise. But then again, maybe that's why I found the place s'durned innarestin'.

VOICE OVER

They call Los Angeles the City of Angels. I didn't find it to be that exactly, but I'll allow as there are some nice folks there. 'Course, I can't say I seen London, and I never been to France, and I ain't never seen no queen in her damn undies as the fella says. But I'll tell you what, after seeing Los Angeles and this ahere story I'm about to unfold--wal, I guess I seen somethin' ever' bit as stupefyin' as ya'd see in any a those other places, and in English too, so I can die with a smile on my face without feelin' like the good Lord gypped me.

INTERIOR KODAK THEATER

It is late, but the theater is nowhere near deserted. We are tracking in on a fortyish man in an ill-fitting tux and missing his trademark baseball cap (Tigers) in the crowd. He is the Dude. His rumpled look and relaxed manner suggest a man in whom casualness runs deep.

He is waiting patiently as they are about to announce the catagory his documentary "Bowling For Columbine" is nominated in, Best Documentary.


VOICE OVER

Now this story I'm about to unfold took place back in the early last night--just about the time of our conflict with Sad'm and the Eye-rackies. I only mention it 'cause some- times there's a man--I won't say a hee-ro, 'cause what's a hee-ro?--but sometimes there's a man.

The Dude glances furtively about as his name is called as winner of the Oscar.

VOICE-OVER
And I'm talkin' about the Dude here--sometimes there's a man who, wal, he's the man for his time'n place, he fits right in there--and that's the Dude, in Los Angeles.

The camera follow The Dude as he grabs everyboy and their mother to join him on the stage in his rumpled tux.

Somwhere a small black and white telelvision shows George W. Bush speaking.


GEORGE W. BUSH
This aggression will not stand. . . This will not stand!

The Dude, having seen this clip earlier, walks up the stage at the Kodak Theater, friends in tow.

VOICE-OVER
...and even if he's a crazy man, and the Dude was certainly that--quite possibly the craziest in Los Angeles County.

The Dude accepts his Oscar and holds it up. Later, he'll be making out a check to Ralph's for sixty-nine cents.

VOICE-OVER
...which would place him high in the runnin' for craziest worldwide--but sometimes there's a man. . . sometimes there's a man.

The Dude steps to the microphone, Oscar in hand. He is receiving a standing ovation.

VOICE-OVER

Wal, I lost m'train of thought here. But--aw hell, I done innerduced him enough.

The dude opens his mouth and makes history.

THE DUDE

On behalf of our producers Kathleen Glynn and Michael Donovan from Canada, I'd like to thank the Academy for this.

I have invited my fellow documentary nominees on the stage with us, and we would like to — they're here in solidarity with me because we like nonfiction.

We like nonfiction and we live in fictitious times.

We live in the time where we have fictitious election results that elects a fictitious president.

We live in a time where we have a man sending us to war for fictitious reasons.

Whether it's the fictition of duct tape or fictition of orange alerts we are against this war, Mr. Bush.

Shame on you, Mr. Bush, shame on you.

And any time you got the Pope and the Dixie Chicks against you, your time is up.

Thank you very much.

The Dude walks off to a thunderous round of applause and boos.

(Thanks to The Coen Brothers for the unauthorized lifting of "The Big Lebowski.")

Folks, whether you agree, disagree or agree but think we should support our troops in Iraq, you have to say one thing, Michael Moore DEFINITELY has the courage of his convictions.

He is unafraid to speak his mind on any subject at any time.

Which is EXACTLY what the First Amendment is all about.

Mr. Moore, I applaud your courage to speak your mind.

But I'll add this thought as well...

From Mr. Ani DiFranco (tounge firmly in my cheek there)

"Face Up And Sing"

Some chick says, "Thank you for saying all the things I never do."
I say, "The thanks I get is to take all the shit for you."
It's nice that you listen, it'd be nicer if you joined in
As long as you play their game girl, you're never going to win


Speak up!

Lee 3/24/2003 10:07:00 AM [+]


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Friday, March 21, 2003

BRING THE BOYS BACK HOME

I have seen the end of Vietnam and hostages in Iran.
I have seen the Son Of Sam and Bernie Goetz.
I have seen John Lennon and Collumbine.
I have seen 9/11.
I have seen Desert Storm.
I have seen family members of mine murdered.

I have had enough.

Stop the world, please, I'd like to get off.

Right now, Baghdad is in flames as "Shock and Awe" has begun.

In North Korea, there's a madman building a button to put his finger on.

Somewhere in the Middle East is a son of a bitch who is responsible for taking thousands of innocent lives.

WHAT THE FUCK?!

I mean, come on folks. WHAT. THE. FUCK!

Flame me in the comments, I don't frikkin' care.

This war sickens me.

The Dixie Chicks have been pulled off of EVERY country station in the U.S. because they said they were ashamed of Bush. Well, take me off too then, cause I can't stand the bastard.

In fact, let me speak to you all through the magic of lyrics. If you know these songs, cool. If not, I suggest downloading them.

Hey, can we send them to Bush?

Bushleaguer by Pearl Jam

How does he do it? How do they do it? Uncanny and immutable.
This is such a happening tailpipe of a party.
Like sugar, the guests are so refined, (look like melting mice)

A confidence man, but why so beleagued?
He's not a leader, he's a Texas leaguer
Swinging for the fence, got lucky with a strike
Drilling for fear, makes the job simple
Born on third, thinks he got a triple

Blackout weaves its way through the cities
Blackout weaves its way through the cities
Blackout weaves its way,...

I remember when you sang
That song about today
Now it's tomorrow and
Everything has changed

A think tank of aloof multiplication
A nicotine wish and a colossus decanter
Retrenchment and foolishness
"What's the buckos?"
The raves have not a clue
The immenseness of suffering
And the odd negotiation, a rarity
With onionskin plausibility of life,
And a keyboard reaffirmation

Blackout weaves its way through the cities
Blackout weaves its way through the cities
Blackout weaves its way,...

I remember when you sang
That song about today
Now it's tomorrow and
Everything has changed


Ball Of Confusion by The Temptations

People movin' out,
People movin' in.
why, because of the color of their skin
run, run, run, but you sho' can't hide
An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth,
vote for me and I'll set you free
rap on, brother, rap on

The only person talkin' about love thy brother is the preacher
and it seems nobody's interested in learning
but the teacher
Segregation, determination, demonstration, integration,
Aggravation, humiliation, obligation to our nation

Ball of Confusion
Oh yeah, That's what the world is today, Hey,hey

The sale of pills are at an all time high
young folks walkin' around with their heads in the sky
the cities aflame in the summertime (Eddie):And, oh
The beat goes on
Evolution, revolution, gun control, the sound of soul
shooting rockets to the moon
kids growing up too soon
politicians say more taxes will solve everything
And the band played on
So, round and around and around we go
where the world's headed, nobody knows

Oh, Great Googamooga, can't you hear me talkin' to you
just a Ball of Confusion, oh yeah
that's what the world is today, hey

Fear in the air, tension everywhere
Unemployment's rising fast,
the Beatles' new record's a gas
And the only safe place to live
is in an Indian Reservation
And the band played on
Eve of destruction, tax deduction
City inspectors, bill collectors
Mod clothes in demand
Population out of hand
Suicide, too many bills
hippies moving to the hills,
people all over the world are shouting "End the War"
And the band played on

Oh, Great Googamooga, can't you hear me talkin' to you
Just a Ball of Confusion,
that's what the world is today, hey


Imagine by John Lennon

Imagine there's no heaven,
It's easy if you try,
No hell below us,
Above us only sky,
Imagine all the people
living for today...

Imagine there's no countries,
It isnt hard to do,
Nothing to kill or die for,
No religion too,
Imagine all the people
living life in peace...

Imagine no possesions,
I wonder if you can,
No need for greed or hunger,
A brotherhood of man,
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say Im a dreamer,
but Im not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will live as one.


The Bravery OF Being Out Of Range by Roger Waters

You have a natural tendency to squeeze off a shot
You're good fun at parties, you wear the right masks
You're old but you still like a laugh in the locker room
You can't abide change, you're at home on the range
You open the suitcase behind the old workings
To show off the magnum, you deafen the canyon
A comfort a friend only upstaged in the end by the Uzi machine gun
Does the recoil remind you, remind you of sex
Old man what the hell you gonna kill next
Old timer who you gonna kill next

I looked over Jordan and what did I see
Saw a US Marine in a pile of debris
I swam in your pools and lay under your palm trees
I looked in the eyes of the Indian who lay on the Federal Building steps
And through the range finder over the hill
I saw the frontline boys popping their pills
Sick of the mess they find on their desert stage
And the bravery of being out of range
Yeah the question is vexed
Old man what the hell you gonna kill next
Old timer who you gonna kill next

Hey bartender over here, two more shots and two more beers
Sir turn up the TV sound, the war has started on the ground
Just love those laser-guided bombs, they're really great for righting wrongs
You hit the target and win the game from bars three thousand miles away
Three thousand miles away
We play the game with the bravery of being out of range
We zap and maim with the bravery of being out of range
We strafe the train with the bravery of being out of range
We gain terrain with the bravery of being out of range
With the bravery of being out of range
We play the game with the bravery of being out of range


When The Tigers Broke Free by Pink Floyd

It was just before dawn
One miserable morning in black 'forty four.
When the forward commander
Was told to sit tight
When he asked that his men be withdrawn.
And the Generals gave thanks
As the other ranks held back
The enemy tanks for a while.
And the Anzio bridgehead
Was held for the price
Of a few hundred ordinary lives.

And old King George
Sent Mother a note
When he heard that father was gone.
It was, I recall,
In the form of a scroll,
With gold leaf and all.
And I found it one day
In a drawer of old photographs, hidden away.
And my eyes still grow damp to remember
His Majesty signed
With his own rubber stamp.

It was dark all around.
There was frost in the ground
When the tigers broke free.
And no one survived
From the Royal Fusiliers Company C.
They were all left behind,
Most of them dead,
The rest of them dying.
And that's how the High Command
Took my daddy from me.


Masters Of War by Bob Dylan

Come you masters of war
You that build all the guns
You that build the death planes
You that build the big bombs
You that hide behind walls
You that hide behind desks
I just want you to know
I can see through your masks

You that never done nothin'
But build to destroy
You play with my world
Like it's your little toy
You put a gun in my hand
And you hide from my eyes
And you turn and run farther
When the fast bullets fly

Like Judas of old
You lie and deceive
A world war can be won
You want me to believe
But I see through your eyes
And I see through your brain
Like I see through the water
That runs down my drain

You fasten the triggers
For the others to fire
Then you set back and watch
When the death count gets higher
You hide in your mansion
As young people's blood
Flows out of their bodies
And is buried in the mud

You've thrown the worst fear
That can ever be hurled
Fear to bring children
Into the world
For threatening my baby
Unborn and unnamed
You ain't worth the blood
That runs in your veins

How much do I know
To talk out of turn
You might say that I'm young
You might say I'm unlearned
But there's one thing I know
Though I'm younger than you
Even Jesus would never
Forgive what you do

Let me ask you one question
Is your money that good
Will it buy you forgiveness
Do you think that it could
I think you will find
When your death takes its toll
All the money you made
Will never buy back your soul

And I hope that you die
And your death'll come soon
I will follow your casket
In the pale afternoon
And I'll watch while you're lowered
Down to your deathbed
And I'll stand o'er your grave
'Til I'm sure that you're dead


All we are saying is give peace a chance

Folks, I can't take this anymore...

Pray for our servicemen and women over there. Pray for their safe return home. Pray this ends as quickly as possible.

And pray the democrats can come up with SOMEONE to get this dude out of office next year...

Lee 3/21/2003 03:18:00 PM [+]


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